Beatitudes Readers Theater
By Residents, For Residents
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This is a Readers Theater Script
NARRATOR:
Six residents sit around a breakfast table at Beatitudes Community. Cynthia, the Life Enrichment Coordinator, stands at the head of the table with a clipboard.
CYNTHIA: Good morning, everyone! I’m so glad you could all make it. We’re planning our monthly outing today, and I want everyone’s input!
BILL: (mumbling) Mmph grmph sounds good.
NARRATOR: Bill mumbled. Robert speaks very fast.
ROBERT: Oh I love outings I think we should go somewhere fun like maybe the botanical gardens or that new museum downtown or possibly the theater if there’s a matinee showing something good what do you all think?
SANDY: The Botanical Garden, or museum, or theater sounds good to me.
NARRATOR: Everything’s OK with Sandy. She just wants to go on an outing.
ELLIE ANDERLA: That sounds groovy, Robert! Real gear!
ELLIE PARSONS: She wants to go to the grocery store!
ANN: To buy theater candy!
NARRATOR: Ellie Anderla uses “Retro Speak” Ellie Parsons and Ann are just having a bit of a hard time following things.
CYNTHIA: Wait, what? No, let’s slow down. Bill, what did you say?
BILL: (mumbling) I said mmph sounds good.
ELLIE ANDERLA: He’s copacetic with the plan!
ROBERT: (fast) What plan we haven’t made a plan yet that’s why we’re here to make a plan so we need to figure out where we want to go and when we want to go and how we’re getting there.
ELLIE PARSONS: He says we’re going on Thursday!
ANN: At three o’clock!
CYNTHIA: No, no. We haven’t decided on a day yet. Let’s start simple. Where would everyone like to go?
BILL: (mumbling) Mmph mhrph the beach mrph.
ELLIE ANDERLA: The beach! Now that’s the bee’s knees! We can have a real blast!
SANDY: The beach? The beach sounds fun.
ROBERT: (fast) The beach oh I don’t know about the beach it’s pretty far and we’d need to leave early and what about sunscreen and chairs and umbrellas and lunch and the bathroom situation.
ANN: She loves the beach!
ELLIE PARSONS: And she’s bringing umbrellas for everyone!
ROBERT: (fast) No I didn’t say that I said we’d NEED umbrellas that’s different from bringing them.
CYNTHIA: Okay, so Bill suggested the beach. Does anyone else have ideas?
ELLIE ANDERLA: How about we go to the sock hop? That’s where all the cool cats hang out!
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph sock hop? Whrmph?
ANN: He wants to know what time the sock hop starts!
ELLIE PARSONS: And should he bring his dancing shoes!
SANDY: I like to dance.
ELLIE ANDERLA: It’s a gas, Bill! Real living!
CYNTHIA: Ellie, I don’t think there are sock hops anymore. Maybe you mean a dance venue?
ELLIE ANDERLA: Twenty-three skidoo! A dance hall would be swell!
ROBERT: (fast) Wait are we talking about dancing because I’m not sure everyone can dance I mean I can dance but some people might have trouble with their knees or hips or balance issues.
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph knees are fine mrmph.
ANN: His niece is flying in!
ELLIE PARSONS: From Maine!
SANDY: Maine? I like Maine. Is that an option?
BILL: (louder mumble) No! Mrph KNEES! Mrph mrph fine!
CYNTHIA: Bill says his knees are fine. Anyone else?
ELLIE ANDERLA: My gams are solid, daddy-o!
ROBERT: (fast) What did she just call you Cynthia because that seemed a little familiar I mean I know we’re all friendly here but daddy-o seems like maybe she’s confused about who you are.
CYNTHIA: It’s just an expression from the 1950s. She means she’s fine with dancing.
ANN: So we’re going dancing at the beach!
ELLIE PARSONS: On Thursday at three!
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph never said Thursday mrph.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Thursday’s jake with me! I’ll wear my best threads!
ROBERT: (fast) Okay wait wait wait let’s back up because I think we’re getting confused I don’t think we decided on the beach or dancing or Thursday we’re just throwing out ideas right Cynthia?
CYNTHIA: Exactly! We’re just brainstorming. Let me write down what I’ve heard: beach, dancing… anything else?
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph mrph museum mrph mrph art.
ELLIE PARSONS: He wants to go to the amusement park!
ANN: To see the art cars!
BILL: (frustrated mumble) NO! MU-SE-UM! MRPH!
ELLIE ANDERLA: The museum! That’s the cat’s pajamas! Very highbrow!
SANDY: The museum is a good idea.
ROBERT: (fast) Oh the museum could be good there’s that new exhibit on impressionism or was it expressionism I can never remember the difference but they have a café and a gift shop and comfortable benches.
CYNTHIA: Great! So we have beach, dancing, and museum. Let’s vote. Who wants the beach?
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Sounds righteous!
ANN: He said he’ll drive!
ELLIE PARSONS: In his convertible!
BILL: (loud mumble) MRPH! NO! DON’T DRIVE! MRPH!
CYNTHIA: Bill, you’re not driving. We’ll take the community van. Who wants to go dancing?
ELLIE ANDERLA: I’m all in, cool cat! Let’s cut a rug!
ROBERT: (fast) I think dancing might be too strenuous what if someone falls and breaks a hip that would be terrible we’d have to call an ambulance and the whole outing would be ruined.
ANN: He’s bringing his hip flask!
ELLIE PARSONS: For the ambulance drivers!
ROBERT: (fast) WHAT no I don’t even have a hip flask I was talking about hip bones the bones in your hip the medical hip!
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph hips fine mrph museum mrph.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Bill’s hep to the museum! I dig it!
CYNTHIA: Okay, it sounds like the museum has the most support. Now, when should we go?
ROBERT: (fast) Well not Monday because that’s my doctor appointment and not Tuesday because I have my hair done and Wednesday is my bridge game.
SANDY: I play bridge on Wednesday too.
ELLIE PARSONS: So Monday works for him!
ANN: Right after her bridge game!
ROBERT: (fast) No that’s literally the opposite of what I said those are the days I CAN’T go!
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph Thursday mrph good.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Thursday! Solid! That’s a real gone day!
CYNTHIA: Thursday seems good. Morning or afternoon?
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph morning mrph avoid crowds.
ROBERT: (fast) Morning is good but not too early because I don’t like to rush breakfast and we need time to get ready and what if there’s traffic we should leave by nine-thirty.
ANN: He says we’re having breakfast there!
ELLIE PARSONS: At seven-thirty! He’s cooking.
ROBERT: (very fast) No no no no no I said nine-thirty NOT seven-thirty and AT breakfast here not HAVING breakfast there!
ELLIE ANDERLA: Don’t flip your wig, Robert! We’re picking up what you’re putting down!
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph nine-thirty mrph works mrph.
CYNTHIA: Excellent! So Thursday morning, leaving at nine-thirty for the museum. What about lunch?
ELLIE ANDERLA: Let’s get some joe and a danish! Maybe some hash!
ROBERT: (fast) The museum café is supposed to be nice I heard they have salads and sandwiches and soup probably not hash though that seems like more of a diner food.
ANN: He’s making hash for everyone!
ELLIE PARSONS: At his house after the museum!
ROBERT: (exasperated, fast) I am NOT making hash I don’t even LIKE hash I was saying the café doesn’t SERVE hash!
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph café mrph fine mrph.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Café it is! Real sophisticated, like we’re in gay Paree!
SANDY: Maybe we can have another outing and just go out to lunch.
CYNTHIA: Perfect! Let me confirm: Thursday morning, leave at nine-thirty, visit the museum, have lunch at the museum café. Does that sound right?
EVERYONE: (overlapping in their own styles)
BILL: Mrph yes mrph.
ELLIE ANDERLA: It’s copacetic!
ROBERT: (fast) Yes that’s right exactly what we planned perfect good job everyone!
ELLIE PARSONS: He says it’s all wrong!
ANN: And he’s canceling!
ROBERT: (fast) I SAID IT’S RIGHT! R-I-G-H-T! CORRECT! GOOD! ACCURATE!
CYNTHIA: (laughing) Okay, I’m putting everyone down for Thursday. Now, any special requests?
BILL: (mumbling) Mrph bathroom breaks mrph.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Bathroom breaks! Solid idea, sport!
ROBERT: (fast) Yes bathroom breaks are important especially with the drive and the museum is large and we’ll be drinking coffee so definitely bathroom breaks are necessary good thinking Bill.
ANN: She says Bill is going to the bathroom!
ELLIE PARSONS: Right now!
BILL: (standing, frustrated) MRPH! YES! NOW! MRPH MRPH!
NARRATOR: Bill gets up and leaves.
ELLIE ANDERLA: That cat’s got moxie!
CYNTHIA: Alright, I think we have a plan! I’ll send out a reminder on Wednesday. Any questions?
ROBERT: (fast) No questions this is great thank you for organizing this Cynthia you’re wonderful at your job!
ELLIE ANDERLA: You’re the most, Cynthia! Real peachy keen!
ANN: She wants to know if peachy keen is contagious!
ELLIE PARSONS: And should we call a doctor!
ROBERT: (fast) Nobody said anything about contagious or doctors why would peachy keen be contagious that doesn’t even make sense!
CYNTHIA: (gathering her things) On that note, I’ll see you all Thursday at nine-thirty. Have a great day, everyone!
ELLIE ANDERLA: It’s a date, daddio!
ROBERT: (fast) See you Thursday this is going to be fun I’m excited about the museum and the café and spending time with everyone!
ANN: She’s bringing him museum! They’re going on a date.
ELLIE PARSONS: And everyone’s excited to see it! Isn’t it cute?!
ROBERT: (putting her head in her hands) I need more coffee.
SANDY: I like coffee.
ELLIE ANDERLA: That’s the straight dope, sister!
NARRATOR: And so ends another Sunday Resident Luncheon here at Beatitudes Campus. Every Sunday at noon in the Plaza Club. Heaven help us!
