Beatitudes Readers Theater
By Residents, For Residents
USE THIS LINK TO RETURN TO THE READERS THEATER INDEX PAGE
The Great Pet Debate: NOT BROADCAST
The Great Pet Debate
A breakfast table at Beatitudes Campus.
DIANE, ANN, SANDY, ELLIE ANDERLA, ELLIE PARSONS, and ROBERT sit with coffee and toast.
DIANE: Did you see that article in the newsletter about therapy animals? Made me miss having a pet.
ANN: Dogs. Nothing beats a dog. Loyal, loving, always happy to see you. My retriever used to wait by the door every single day. Rain or shine, there he was, tail wagging like crazy.
SANDY: Oh, Ann, dogs are too much work! All that walking in this Phoenix heat? Give me a cat any day. They’re independent, clean themselves, and they purr. Very therapeutic. I read somewhere that a cat’s purr can actually lower your blood pressure.
ELLIE PARSONS: Cats are aloof! My daughter has three and they ignore everyone. Now parakeets and parrots—those are companions. They talk to you, sing, whistle. My parakeet knew fifty phrases. He’d say “good morning” before I even opened his cage.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Birds are messy! Seeds everywhere, feathers flying around. I had an iguana once. Fascinating creatures. Just sits there, zen-like, basking under a heat lamp. And snakes—people don’t appreciate snakes. Quiet, don’t need daily feeding, no barking at 3 AM.
ANN: A snake? Ellie, that’s not a pet, that’s a… decoration that occasionally eats mice.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Better than picking up dog waste in plastic bags! And more interesting than watching paint dry, which is what I imagine cat-watching is like.
SANDY: Excuse me! Cats have personalities. They play, they hunt—well, they pretend to hunt—and they choose to be with you. That’s more meaningful than a dog who loves anyone with food.
ANN: Low blow, Sandy! Dogs are discerning. They just happen to be optimists.
ROBERT: You’re all wrong. Fish. Absolutely fish. Beautiful, calming, no noise, no mess outside the tank. I had a saltwater aquarium—better than television. Clownfish, tangs, those little cleaner shrimp. Cost me a fortune but worth every penny.
SANDY: Robert, you can’t pet a fish. What’s the point of a pet you can’t touch?
ROBERT: The point is you don’t come home covered in dog hair, and you don’t find cat vomit on your carpet at midnight. Plus, watching fish swim lowers stress. It’s scientifically proven.
DIANE: I loved my rabbit. Soft, gentle, could hop around the apartment. You could litter-train them, you know. Very smart. And tortoises! My neighbor had a tortoise that lived to be eighty. Talk about a lifelong companion. Outlived two husbands, that tortoise did.
ELLIE PARSONS: (laughing) Diane! Did it do anything besides eat lettuce and move slowly?
DIANE: That’s the beauty of it! Low stress. Turtles too—they’re lovely. Watching them swim is meditative. I had a red-eared slider that would stick his head out and beg for food. Adorable.
ELLIE ANDERLA: See? Diane gets it. Reptiles are underrated. My iguana would change colors slightly depending on his mood. Try getting that kind of feedback from a hamster.
ANN: But can any of these animals fetch? Can they protect your home? Dogs are part of the family. They sense when you’re sad. My retriever knew when my husband passed. He stayed right by my side for weeks.
SANDY: (softening) So do cats! Mine always knew when I was upset. She’d curl up in my lap and just stay there, purring. And you could leave her for a weekend with just extra food and water. Try that with a dog.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Exactly my point about reptiles! My iguana could go days without attention. Perfect for busy people. Though I’ll admit, when I was in the hospital for that knee surgery, I did worry about him a little.
ELLIE PARSONS: But did your iguana ever greet you with joy? My parrots got excited when I came home. They’re incredibly smart—African Greys have the intelligence of a five-year-old. Mine could solve puzzles, recognize colors, even understood some context.
ROBERT: And the lifespan of a small human! What happens when you’re ninety and your parrot’s only forty?
ELLIE PARSONS: That’s planning ahead, Robert. I put mine in my will. She went to my niece.
ANN: Wait, you put a bird in your will?
ELLIE PARSONS: A twenty-thousand-dollar bird, Ann. That’s more valuable than some people’s cars.
DIANE: Speaking of small, what about hamsters and gerbils? Perfect for grandkids to visit. Cute, furry, entertaining little wheels. My grandson loved watching them stuff their cheeks. Used to call it “hamster magic.”
SANDY: And escape artists! My grandson’s hamster disappeared into the walls for three days. We could hear it scratching around at night. Nearly called an exorcist.
ELLIE ANDERLA: (chuckling) At least it’s not a ferret. Those things smell like old gym socks, even when they’re clean.
ANN: Hey now, ferrets are playful, curious, like a cat and dog combined. My nephew had one. That thing would steal socks and hide them in a pile under the couch. Hilarious.
DIANE: They’re also illegal in California. Found that out when my granddaughter wanted one. Something about them being an ecological threat if they escape.
ROBERT: A ferret? An ecological threat? What’s it going to do, steal California’s socks?
ELLIE PARSONS: (laughing) This is silly. We each want what we know. I say birds are best because they filled my house with music. Every morning was a symphony.
ROBERT: And I say fish because I spent hours just watching them glide through the water. Very peaceful. My blood pressure was never better than when I had that tank.
SANDY: Cats are perfect because they’re affectionate when they want to be and independent when you need space. It’s a relationship of equals.
ANN: Dogs are loyal. Period. Man’s best friend for thousands of years for a reason. They’ve evolved alongside us. That means something.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Reptiles are low-maintenance and exotic. Plus, you never hear about snake allergies. And iguanas are practically vegetarian—easier to feed than carnivores.
DIANE: And the quiet pets—rabbits, turtles, tortoises—they’re gentle souls. Good for meditation. No drama, no demands, just peaceful companionship.
ROBERT: So we’re all right?
ANN: Apparently.
ELLIE PARSONS: Maybe the real question isn’t which pet is better, but which one fit our lives at the time. I needed the interaction when I lived alone. Robert needed the calm.
SANDY: Look at us, arguing about pets we don’t even have anymore! We sound like we’re debating politics.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Safer topic than politics, though.
ANN: True enough.
DIANE: Well, they do allow small pets here. Cats under twenty pounds, birds, fish, small caged animals…
ANN: Really?
ROBERT: I’ve been thinking about getting a small tank for my room.
DIANE: Oh no, Ann, don’t get ideas. Remember what happened with your daughter’s dog last Christmas?
ANN: (grins) He liked me better than her. That’s not my fault. Dogs know quality people.
ELLIE PARSONS: Maybe we should propose a pet visiting program instead. Best of both worlds. All the joy, none of the vet bills.
ELLIE ANDERLA: Now there’s a compromise. Therapy dogs, maybe some rabbits for the garden area…
ROBERT: Educational fish tanks in the common areas!
SANDY: As long as someone else cleans them.
ALL: Hear, hear!
(They raise their coffee cups in agreement.)
END
