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- The Last Ride: Lone Ranger & Tonto
- THE LAST RIDEA Radio Theater Script by Robert Andrews
- CHARACTERS:
- NARRATOR
- THE LONE RANGER – 86 years old, still wearing his mask
- TONTO – 88 years old, still wearing his buckskin vest
- WAITRESS – young, cheerful
NARRATOR: The year is 2026. A small diner on the outskirts of Gila Bend, Arizona. The lunch rush has ended, leaving only a handful of customers. At a corner booth sits an elderly man in a buckskin vest, nursing a cup of coffee. The door chime rings.
[SOUND: Door chime, footsteps with cane]
TONTO: (looking up, squinting) Kemosabe? That you?
LONE RANGER: (voice aged but strong) Tonto, old friend. It’s been too long.
[SOUND: Chairs scraping, men settling into booth]
TONTO: Thirty-three years, two months. Not that I’m counting.
LONE RANGER: (chuckling) You always did have a better memory than me.
WAITRESS: (approaching) Can I get you gentlemen anything?
LONE RANGER: Just coffee, black. Thank you, miss.
WAITRESS: (pause) Um, sir? We have a no-mask policy since COVID ended…
LONE RANGER: This isn’t a COVID mask, young lady. It’s… a medical condition. Sensitive skin.
WAITRESS: (uncertain) Oh. Okay then. I’ll get that coffee.
[SOUND: Footsteps walking away]
TONTO: (amused) Medical condition? Kemosabe still telling white lies after all these years?
LONE RANGER: (defensive) It’s not a lie. At my age, everything’s a medical condition.
TONTO: You know, I always wondered. Forty years of friendship, countless gunfights, saved each other’s lives more times than I can count… and I never saw your face.
LONE RANGER: The mask is who I am, Tonto. Without it, I’m just John Reid, a tired old man with arthritis and a hearing aid.
TONTO: (gently) And I am just old Indian with bad knees and worse eyesight. But you know what? That’s okay.
[SOUND: Coffee pouring]
WAITRESS: Here you go, sir. You gentlemen look like you have history.
TONTO: (laughing) You could say that. We used to ride together.
WAITRESS: Oh! Like, motorcycles?
LONE RANGER: (smiling) Something like that.
[SOUND: Waitress walking away]
TONTO: (after a pause) I still wear vest. You still wear mask. Maybe we’re both holding onto something.
LONE RANGER: Do you remember the last time we rode out? That train robbery outside Silver City?
TONTO: I remember my horse threw me. I remember you pulled me out of the way before those bandits trampled me. I remember thinking, “We’re getting too old for this.”
LONE RANGER: We were fifty-three.
TONTO: Exactly. Too old.
LONE RANGER: (quietly) I’m sorry I didn’t stay in touch, old friend. After we retired, I thought… I thought maybe you’d want to forget all that. Move on. Live a normal life.
TONTO: (softly) Kemosabe, you my normal life. For forty years, you were my brother. Then one day, you just… rode off into sunset. Literally.
LONE RANGER: I was scared, Tonto. Scared of getting old. Scared of slowing down. Scared you’d see me without the legend.
TONTO: (chuckling) I saw you piss yourself once when Silver threw you into a creek. Legend wasn’t so shiny that day.
LONE RANGER: (laughing) I forgot about that! You never let me live it down.
TONTO: And you shot my hat off my head trying to hit a rattlesnake. Twice.
LONE RANGER: (defensive) My eyesight was already going!
[SOUND: Both men laughing]
TONTO: (after laughter fades) So tell me, why now? Why call me after all these years?
LONE RANGER: (serious) Because I’m tired of hiding, Tonto. Tired of the mask. Tired of pretending I don’t need anyone. I’m eighty-six years old, and I realized… the only real thing I ever had was our friendship.
TONTO: (emotional) That’s the truest thing you’ve said in thirty-three years.
LONE RANGER: You know what’s funny? I kept the mask all this time because I thought it made me special. Made me the Lone Ranger. But the truth is… the mask made me alone.
TONTO: You were never alone, Kemosabe. I was always there. Even when we weren’t together.
LONE RANGER: (voice breaking) I know that… now. (pause) I’m sorry, old friend.
TONTO: (warmly) Apology accepted. Though I have one question that’s bothered me for forty years.
LONE RANGER: What’s that?
TONTO: Why you always get silver bullets? I had to make do with regular ones.
LONE RANGER: (laughing) Because I was the star! You were the sidekick!
TONTO: (mock indignant) Sidekick?! Kemosabe, I saved your masked behind more times than—
LONE RANGER: (interrupting, laughing) Okay, okay! Partner. You were my partner.
TONTO: (satisfied) Better. Now, about this buckskin vest. My granddaughter says it’s “vintage” and “cool.” Kids today.
LONE RANGER: Your granddaughter has good taste. Though I’ve got to ask… does it still fit, or are you just stubborn?
TONTO: Little bit of both. You?
LONE RANGER: (touching his mask) Same.
[SOUND: Coffee cups clinking]
TONTO: So, what now? We ride off into the sunset together?
LONE RANGER: (chuckling) My riding days are over. My doctor says I can’t even drive anymore.
TONTO: Then maybe we just sit here. Drink bad diner coffee. Tell lies about old days.
LONE RANGER: I’d like that. And Tonto?
TONTO: Yes, Kemosabe?
LONE RANGER: Next week, maybe I’ll leave the mask at home.
TONTO: (warmly) And maybe I’ll leave vest at home.
LONE RANGER: (pause) No. Keep the vest. It looks good on you.
TONTO: (laughing) You too, masked man. You too.
NARRATOR: And so, two old friends sat in a diner in Gila Bend, drinking coffee and remembering the days when they were legends. Sometimes the greatest adventures aren’t the ones we ride into, but the ones we ride back from—together.
[SOUND: Diner ambiance continues, fading]
NARRATOR: (warmly and softly) Hi-ho, Silver… and away. One last time.
— END —
(Word count: 982)
- CHARACTERS:
